pearlescentgeek

[spoken:]
ever hear the right wing crazies talk about the jewish conspiracy. and how the jews run the media, and they have all the money, and they pretty much dominate the world. no, well i've heard of it and that would pretty much leave one day of the year when no one else is around to have a whole year of planning of world domination, and that's christmas. merry christmas buddies!

[sung (sort of):]
it's christmas eve and you know i am hardly sleeping.
but there are no presents waiting for me on the floor.
it's the one day of the year when i use what my super jewish powers are for. (HEY!)

got introduced to the network at my bar mitzvah.
got my code name and number it's #16761.
while you were sitting aroudn the tree and that knockoff menorah,
you're idle, we work. justice is done.

princess di, we killed her. el nino, we made it. reggie white, is stupid. bilyl joel, let's trade him.

if the neo-nazis know we're part of the conspiracy,
and if it's as strong as they think, you think they'd be nicer to me.
still mad about what happened to your pal jesus?
well, if he didn't die for your sins, you'd be going to hell with the rest of us.

princess di, we killed her. el nino, we made it.
reggie white, is stupid. bilyl joel, let's trade him.

wouldn't you like to know what we do on christmas?
you think we're sitting around polishing our horns?
making soup with the blood of the christian born?
you think i'm being rude?
we go to the movies and eat chinese food  

[spoken:]
This is the disclaimer.  My name is Atom.  I'm a Jewish boy.  I'm very neurotic that people are going to get mad at me.  I like Jews.  I like Christian people.  There should be no problem.  It's really not that funny.  (laughter)


Lyrics from What We Do On Christmas by Atom and His Package

I think I owe most of y'all a phone call or something.  I've been just nuts lately with so much stuff going on.  Today I was invited to lunch w/ Jess and I finally had to say no.  This is the first decent block of time I've had to myself in a while.  I've been waking up between 6:30-7:30am and going until like midnight - 2a most days . . . . 

I saved this cause Lylly called and she needed me to cover a few hrs at the store.  I'm writing from Wild Iris.  I've skipped class and am totally multitasking a little too much.  If you want to see me/have fun/whatever, we are having a concert tonight at 7pm that should be really good AND tomorrow (Friday) we are having Steph Taylor in concert/the artwalk/the GRAND OPENING OF WILD WORDS CAFE all in one night from 7p - 10p  It should be great and crazy and boy,  do I miss sleep.  I'll be working Sat from noon -6p and Mon from 11 - 7 so if you just want to see me, you know where I live.  

Ok, back to work on the CD, potluck recipe and about 100 other things. 

 Hee hee.  National Coming Out Day is Oct 11.  J.K. was just a few days late for outing Dumbledore.  I'm super amused . . . and seriously need to start heading to work.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071020/ap_en_ot/books_harry_potter_10;_ylt=AhOqMFPlkR2gWvj9r_6xxOpnhVID

So from a financial standpoint, the concert was a failure . . . but I'm ok with that.  There are so many ways to improve that I'm not worried.  Also, the sound guy recorded everything so if it sounds decent, we are going to make a cd and sell it for like $5.  That should cover a lot of our costs.

It's 3:35am.  I've been home for 10 min.  I got soaked while mopping the floor (don't ask) so I just tore off all my wet clothes, put on some dry PJs and came out here to unwind w/ the chair massager and type before catching a nap and heading back to work.  I seriously think if Amy were here or the dogs weren't, I might have just slept at the store.

So, I wanted to share the highlight of my night and then something I'm thinking.

Highlight:  During redboy's set, I was laying on my stomach in between Jess and Ro (we were all on the floor but they were sitting) and Ro was playing with my hair while I listened to Meredith sing.  

My thought:  I love music.  Every time I see a live performance I just desparately want to do something that involves music.  I keep asking myself the same question.  What do I want for ME out of MY life?  I'll let you know if I come to any conclusions. 

Well, the Yanks have been defeated in the American League Division Series.  We are out of the playoffs.  More importantly, manager Joe Torre may be out of a job.  I guess there's nothing to do but wait and see.  

I guess I'll have to find another way to entertain myself until April.

Oh, and for those curious, the playoffs are as follows:

ALCS:  Red Sox vs Indians.   
                     My guess is that the Sox will sweep the Indians and go to the World Series.
NLCS:  Diamondbacks vs Rockies
                     My hope is that the Rockies will win this one and go to the Series.  Partly cause I think Rockies short stop Troy Tulowitzki is pretty cool.  He's only 23 and It's only his second year in the MLB but he comes off like a veteran.  Actually he acts like a captain.  Reminds me of another short stop I know.  Heck, they are both even #2.  Go figure.  Oh, and he went to Fremont High School in SUNNYVALE, CA.  That name still amuses the crap out of me.  
                     The other reason I'm rooting for the Rockies is that I hate the Diamondbacks.  
                     I'm making no guesses however.

World Series:  My best guess (although I wish it was otherwise) is that whomever wins the NLCS will be pounded into the ground and sent back home w/ a Red Sox logo branded on their foreheads.  Probably in a sweep but who knows, maybe Wakefield or Schilling will have a bad day and it will take 5 games instead.  :-P

So, all the furniture in my house except my room and Amy's room is in either the garage, porch or Amy's room.  The oven is in the garage too.  The fridge is where tech dork central normally is.  When I left at 10:30a, all the carpets had been ripped out and they were leveling out the floor.  Later in the week they are going to move the stuff out of my room and Amy's and do those rooms while I live in the spare room.  I just need to figure out how the dogs factor into all of this.  (Oh, and I got a whole hour of sleep last night.  Woo hoo! Course, can't blame anyone but myself for waiting til the last minute.)

Side note:  I'm selling raffle tickets to raise money for my friend Wilma to walk in the Breast Cancer 3-day.  She needs to raise $2200 by the 19th.  The tickets are $1 a piece and you can win some good stuff like lunch at Book Inc or Na'Guara, a $25 gift certificate to Target and $5 at a local ice cream shop.  Let me know if you want to buy one or twenty or more or if you know people that might want.  :-)  Also, if you know any local business that might want to donate to the raffle, please let me know.

I got home this evening around 10:30p and the house is still a total disaster.  (No, nobody is surprised by this, least of all me.)  I've been talking to Andrew on and off throughout the evening and icing my back every hour.  During those ice breaks I've been getting off the phone.  

So, I cleared off a lot of the spare room bed to have the ice break and there were a stack of cards from Grandpa's dresser.  Since the top few were from Allen and Dad, I figured they were all silly and would be fun to look at and sort while I was flat on my back.

Before Grandma died, she told me that there were a lot of letters she sent Grandpa.  Some during the war.  Love poems and such.  She said I was in charge of finding them all and making sure they were thrown away.  She also made me promise not to read them.  They were between Grandma and Grandpa and should remain that way.  I promised but while I was lying on my back going through cards, I found one that was from G-ma to G-pa on their first anniversary after Allen died.  Curiosity got the better of me so I read some of it.  The card was this huge poem on both sides of the inside of the card and the back.  I only read half of the first page.  It was so poigniant and moving.  I wanted to read it more but I also knew that this was the stuff that Grandma didn't want anyone, even me, to read.  It's theirs.  I went through a few more cards and found one I'm pretty sure is from Grandpa to Grandma.  I just had to read a little.  This one was so intense.  It wasn't a poem or anything but it was so real and full of mixed emotions.  It was well after when Allen died but there was mention of painful memories and getting through hard times.  This isn't how I remember Grandpa expressing himself.  But I think that is the point.  There was a side of himself he only showed her.  It's beautiful and painful and I desparately want to go and read every anniversary card in that stack.  There's got to be 100 of them or more given that they each sent a card and they were married for 59 years.  But I won't.  I was the one Grandma could count on.  It's a simple as that.  I could see why she couldn't bare to throw these letters out herself but that doesn't mean I don't have to respect her wishes now that she's gone.

It's just a side of them I don't know that well and really want to see.  I've been getting more and more convinced lately that I'll never fall in love.  That I'll always be alone.  That love is just a big lie anyway perpetrated on us by Hallmark.  These letters . . . . they really loved each other.  

And I really love Grandma so I'm going to turn off the back massager and walk into the spare room and throw out each and every one of those letters . . .

and cry.

 If you have a problem with profanity, don't click this

 First game of the playoffs.  Yankees 3  Indians 12

Maybe tomorrow will be happier.

So I just called Waste Management to get a replacement garbage can.  When I told her I got home from work and the can was gone, she said "The truck probably ate it."  Apparently that happens way more often that anyone realises.  They turn the darn thing upside down over the truck, it shakes loose and gets crushed.  LOL.  Since this was Amy's theory, which never would have even occurred to me, I just thought I should give her credit while giving everyone else a laugh.

Oy.

I'm so tired I'm just gonna cut n paste my away message.

 In Gainesville you have to get a garbage can from the city.  The size of the can is how they figure out what to put on your annual property tax for waste disposal.  This morning was garbage pickup.  Now we are missing our garbage can.  I'm soooo not dealing with this until morning. 

About time I had a fun post, don't you think?

Two things.  

First, some benevolent wacky genius named Mark Ecko paid $752,467 in an auction of the ball that Barry Bonds broke Hank Aaron's home run record with.  If you haven't heard any of my diatribes regarding Barry Bonds, consider yourself fortunate.  Regardless, I would be revolted by that price if not for what Mr. Ecko is doing with it.  He has set up a website for the public to vote on the fate of the ball.  A.  Send it to the hall of fame as is.  B.  Brand it with an asterisk and then send it to Cooperstown (aka hall of fame). OR C.  Send it off into space, never to be heard from again.  He claims he wants a nice public debate.  I can actually see this that way.  A.  We live in an innocent until proven guilty society and nothing was ever *proven* so he broke it fair and square.  B.  Everyone knows he used performance enhancing drugs.  Nobody bulks up that much that fast without help.  This is a dark spot on a game we love and should acknowledge the shame and move on.  C.  Everyone cheats, especially in the days of billion dollar contracts.  We should have real heroes, not baseball players.  Let's just be done with the whole damn thing (or stick our heads in the sand as the case may be.)  I'm, of course, leaning toward B.  If you want to vote, the site is http://www.vote756.com/marcecko/.  Voting closes on Sept 25.  If you want to read more about it, here is an article:  http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ap-bonds-756ball&prov=ap&type=lgns.  Side note:  Ecko identifies as a Yankees fan.  :-D

Second, my work just got a little more interesting.  We are now carrying vibrators at Wild Iris.  The website for them is http://www.natural-contours.com/.  I'm sorry to say that I can't personally vouch for them as we just got them in today and I decided buying the Buffy Omnibus Vol. 1 was a higher priority.  As customer feedback filters in though, I'd be happy to share it. 

K, well I'm going to go take more advil and lay down.  At least I can still be amused this sore and broken. 

Chi and Annie had a disagreement over who got to lick Muttley's plate and China's face is bleeding again.  Fortunately, this time is doesn't look like she needs stitches.

I just fucking quit.  I know that nobody is going to see this until at least Sunday but if anyone wants to do something, please call. 

So I just spent the past six hours cleaning out Grandma's house.  It was storming outside.  I ended up with a lot of stuff to deal with but it will make Dad's life easier.  And it's not like I'm the one w/ a grown up job in this situation.

I'm sleeping . . . well, I'm staying at Andrew's tonight.  Whether I'll sleep or not is yet to be seen.  I was going to sleep at Grandma's but both And and Dad strongly discouraged me from staying there overnight completely alone.  I'll go over there early in the morning and Dad will help me pack up everything and I'll leave.  There's a FoWI meeting at 11am I should be at.  There's a synagogue I should probably be at.  There's also all the practicing that I haven't done for Saturday.  And all I want is for some friend to call me and invite me anywhere and cheer me up . . . except I don't think I can be cheered up right now and I'm not a big fan of setting up the people I care about for exercises in futility.  Or forcing them to be around me this miserable.  The funny thing is, I don't think y'all are that sick of my misery.  I think the only one giving me a hard time over how long this is taking is me.

The nice thing about spending the night here is that there is no fucking way I'm going to cry myself to sleep (or cry at all for that matter) in front of Andrew.  I didn't cry at G-ma's either.  Dad has that effect worse than Andrew. 

Jess & Ro gave me cookie dough and I'm having some while I contemplate my options.  I've already had apples and challah and honey.  (And so have Amy, Annie, China and Muttley . . . we all could use a sweet new year, darn it!)

Anywhooo, I realised that I could leave on Tuesday after therapy and either return Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning.  I just needed to call Nancy, Lucy's mom (dog I might be babysitting on Wed), to see if she was still going on her vacation and if so, when I needed to be home.  But then I talked to Andrew and found out that Dad has been pitching things left and right and garbage day is Fri so if there's something missing that I want and I don't go down tomorrow, I won't see it.


While contemplating my options, I went to the Farmers' Market.  I ended up getting a little container of honey cause if I end up in O-town, I need my own apples, challah and honey.  While I was there I ran into one friend from the dog park that I haven't seen in over a year.  I also ran into another friend who I haven't seen in a long time who has forgiven me for being a colossal schmuck (must say, I'm glad that happened before Yom Kippur).  Good stuff was happening and I was totally miserable.  

I got to Bnai early so I called Nancy from the car.  When I told her I was just trying to figure out details so I could go down to Orlando and help w/ Grandma's estate, she said, "Oh, your grandmother died?'  Me:  "Yup, a few months ago."  Nancy:  "Oh, I'm so sorry.  I saw that your grandmother's dog was there and just thought she was visiting."  Me:  "Nope, that's my dog now."  I got off the phone rather quickly after that and went into shul.  (Side note:  We babysat Lucy last week briefly and Nancy picked her up when Amy was here and I was in O-town.)

Long story slightly shorter, I spent more time either outside or in Erin's office crying my eyes out and shaking uncontrollably than I did in the sanctuary.  (Erin = executive director + quickly becoming my friend).  I was such a wreck anyway (especially after mourner's kaddish) I'm thinking I may as well just go to O-town and skip services.  My heart wasn't in it anyway.  And since Amy's babysitting, I can go spend a few hours w/ G-ma and G-pa at the cemetary w/out worrying my dog will die from the heat. 

So, I don't know what I"m doing tomorrow.  I'm going to go in the hot tub now and try to work a few knots out of my back.  Then I'll go to sleep and decide in the morning.  
 

So, my phone rang again from Grandma's house.  shiver

The house is on the market and Dad wants everything out of the house.  I'm probably going to go down instead of shul.  Figure I didn't schedule anything anyway cause of the holiday.

Sigh.  

Update after talking to Shosh:  I *think* the plan is to go to shul tonight and tomorrow morning and leave straight from shul.  That way I'll at least get a little time in synagogue.  Course, this all depends on my babysitter's availability.

So I was meeting w/ the flooring guy to work out the details.  He went back to run my credit card but before that he asked a scheduling question so my phone was on the counter (ringer off, vibrate on).  It starts ringing so I look at the caller ID.  It was Grandma.  Well, Grandma's house.  My stomache lurched.  I answered it tenuously, concerned that maybe I was in one of my nightmares and hadn't really woken up or something.  (I've been having plenty of dreams about the flooring so it was possible.)  It was Dad asking a question cause he was over there with the realtor.  

I was just thinking that I needed to call Dad tonight and tell him I charged the floor to his card, like he told me to, but I wasn't expecting him to call me first, ever.  Let alone from Grandma's.  It took him a sec to realise why I sounded so disturbed but once he did, he said, "Oh yeah, you can see who's calling.  Sorry."  I might be making up the sorry.

Regardless I'm just gonna sit quietly for a bit.  No point going running errands shaking like this. 

I woke up Sat and Sun at 7:30a to go to practice.  I was planning to do the same today.  My body refused so I reset the alarm for 9a instead.  Since I'm working at Wild Iris from 11a - 7p today, I'm not making it to the YMCA today but I think that is ok.  I really really hurt.  It's good for me, no doubt.  But ow.  Besides, I at least need to practice some today so that will be some movement. And I'm sure the furbags wouldn't mind being walked.  I guess I'll have to wait and see how I'm doing. 

Oh, and for those I haven't spoken with, practice is really cool.  I'm without a doubt the slowest learner in class but I'm cool with that.  There's a learning curve and I just need a lot more practice than most people.  It's kind of like dancing and I'm not good at that either.  But who knows?  Depending on how much I learn and how well I do in these 6 weeks, I might be in a fight or two.  Probably just a melee at the end of a chessboard or something.  Although it was mentioned that scripts get very re-written for the Friday faire cause so many people can't get out of work and unless my life changes a lot, I'll be free.  Watch me end up a chessboard piece after all.  Oy.

Related side note:  I don't think I'm joining the LARPers on Friday night cause I don't think I'm socializing on Fri or Sat nights for a while.  7:30a is early.  I need sleep.  Ah well.

So folks, I could tell you all about my quick trip to Orlando but since it was mostly a long visit to a cemetary and a lot of time spent going through the estate I'll spare you the depressing details.  Instead I will share an exchange between myself and my brother this afternoon.  Keep in mind, he came over to help me pack up stuff and has been really supportive.   He was just being a little brother and I thought it was a stitch.

Me:  I'm forgetting my peace offering.
And:  Huh?
Me:  (gestures to the coffee maker)  You don't need it, do you?
And:  Nope
me:  Good.  Ours died.
And:  So the peace offering is to Amy?
Me:  I've kind of been a bitch lately.
And:   Only for 30 years .

I love my brother.  :-P

Oh, and I know most of the people who read this don't eat dead mammal or bird but I just brought home lots of kosher of both so if anyone wants to come over for a very not vegetarian dinner, let me know.

So even with the fantasticness that is the Thieves' Guilde, my nightmares haven't let up.  I'm sleeping like shit.  I've been sleeping badly since Grandma died with a one week exception thanks to sleeping pills.  Time isn't improving it.  I'm becoming someone I really don't like.  Something has got to change and both Amy and I suspect that I need to go to Orlando and spend a few days in Grandma's empty house to do it.  Well, at least to start the process.

I'm taking China with me.  Just China.  I need space in the car for all of the stuff I'm taking from Grandma's so I can't really bring everyone but I also will not sleep a wink if I'm in that big empty house completely alone.  I need China to protect me . . . course, she hasn't been much help against the nightmares so far but at least I won't think there is an intruder breaking into the house or something.  Fortunately Amy has agreed to babysit our other two as well as Lucy.  

So basically I will be incommunicado til probably Saturday night.  I might post since I have my Verizon card but don't bank on it.  I definitely won't be answering the phone.  Hopefully I'll come back a little better.